Are You Afraid Of Failure or Rejection

Are You Afraid Of Failure or Rejection

So anxious Stepping on to the box, I could feel my heart rate going up. I was definitely nervous. Since starting to learn to the game, this was the first time I was going to be playing with friends who were clearly better golfers than me. I surely didn’t want it to be a disappointing round – but in golf, that happens way too often. I was more concerned that I might be considered a hopeless player. To pre-tempt such an outcome, I instinctively declared that I was a complete novice; and started how I had slept poorly the previous night.

turn your failure into success

I was more worried about rejection (my friend thinking poorly of me) than failure (not playing well).most of us have fears of failure. That’s the reason for our discomfort with taking risks. That’s why we are anxious about being passed over for promotion or our business not taking off or our children’s beneath this fear of failure, many of us are actually afraid of rejection – the dreadful feeling that our peers may perceive us poorly. Humans are social animals and we derive a considerable part of our self-identity from our perception of hoe other thinks of us. Many of us base our self-worth on our apparent relative status within our social circle.

Moreover, activities that enhance our relative status act as a mood booster. Activities that decrease that status, or even merely create the fear of a decline, result in release of stress hormones. The risk of social rejection can be paralyzing for us. As a result, we fail to pursue our passions and bring our true self to the world. We also continue to conform to our social circle’s expectations, even though we may suffer within.

The antidote

Happier people have healthy senses of self-worth and prefer living by their own standards. They are comfortable in their own skin and are happy being themselves. Not that they are over-confident or have an excessive self-belief; they are more self-aware and are at peace with their strengths and weaknesses.

They are conscious of their personal values and commit to living by them; they are mindful of their unique gifts and appreciate the need to express them fully; they have high self-respect and recognize that only when they respect themselves will they earn others’ respect too.

Inner yardsticks

Above all, they prefer to evaluate them life’s journey by self-imposed inner yardsticks rather by comparing themselves with others. They don’t look to others for approval and hence are less impacted by the fear of rejection.

To build higher self-worth, you need to engage in some serious self-work.

Learn to accept and love yourself for who are, work with positive affirmations to train your anxious self to feel more completely and whole, and consider meditation to build inner strength.

I was reminded on that golf outing, that self-work is journey. It’s been a long while since that round and I don’t feel nervous on the first tee any more. But then I wish could say that even when I am not paying partners may perceive me never cross my mind!

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